Last reviewed July 25, 2026

These guides draw on official safety guidance, research, and common questions from people using dating apps. Read the scope and limits.

For older adults and family helpers

An online relationship can feel serious before the two of you have met. The person may sound patient and caring. They may also build a relationship that stays online while asking you to solve one urgent problem after another.

This is not about being gullible, and it is not about taking away an older person’s independence. The useful question is whether the relationship leaves room for outside advice, a normal meeting, and a firm no before money or private information is involved.

Warning signs worth taking seriously

• They say they love you or talk about marriage before you have met.
• They work overseas, travel constantly, or have a job that always prevents a normal call or meeting.
• They ask you to keep the relationship secret from family or friends.
• Their personal details change, or they answer your questions with another emotional story.
• They introduce a trading site, investment opportunity, inheritance, business deal, or wallet.
• They ask for a loan, gift card, fee, travel payment, account access, or crypto.
• They become angry, frightened, or disappointed when you say you need time.

One item can have an innocent explanation. Several together, especially secrecy plus money, deserve a pause. A live video call can add one piece of information, but it does not prove a person’s name, income, relationship status, intentions, or future behavior.

A private pause before you answer

Before replying to a request, put the phone down and write three short lines:

1. What happened? Describe the request without explaining it away.
2. What are you being asked to risk? Include money, account access, private information, or secrecy.
3. Who can look with you? Choose one person who can hear the story without taking over.

You do not need to decide whether the person is a criminal before you pause. You only need enough room to avoid an irreversible decision.

Bring another person into the decision

Choose one trusted person and tell them what is happening before you reply to a financial request. You do not have to show every private message. A short summary is enough:

“I have been talking to someone online. We have not met, and they now need money. Can you help me look at the request before I answer?”

If the person you are dating tells you that your family or friends are jealous, do not let that stop you from asking for a second opinion. Someone genuine may feel disappointed, but they should not need secrecy to keep the relationship going.

Family helpers should lead with care rather than accusation. Ask what the person enjoys about the relationship, what has changed, and what the other person is asking for. Offer to sit beside them while they call the bank or report the account. A calm conversation is more useful than making them defend the relationship.

If you are worried about a parent or older friend, read how to talk about an online relationship that feels wrong. It includes questions you can ask without demanding their messages or taking over their account.

What to do if money was sent

1. Stop sending more, even if the person promises this is the last request.
2. Contact the bank, card issuer, wire service, gift-card company, crypto exchange, or payment provider immediately.
3. Ask what can be canceled or recovered. Do not pay an online “recovery expert” before checking with the provider yourself.
4. Save the profile, messages, payment records, links, phone numbers, and wallet details privately.
5. Report the account to the dating app and to the relevant fraud-reporting service in your country.

The FTC has warned that romance scammers target older adults and that losses can be serious. Its guidance is practical: do not send money or gifts to a love interest you have not met in person, and talk to someone you trust before acting. Read the FTC’s guidance on fraud against older adults and its romance scam advice.

AARP’s public fraud resources also treat older-adult safety as a matter of dignity, consumer protection, and support, not a reason to blame the person who was targeted. See AARP’s scams and fraud resources and use the support options available in your country.

You can use the private dating safety check without sharing your messages or the person’s name. Read romance scam warning signs for the wider pattern and what to do after sending money to an online match for immediate steps.

Sources and further reading

• FTC: Fraud against older adults
• FTC: What to know about romance scams
• Europol: Romance scams and recognising manipulation
• AARP: Scams and fraud
• Research: Older adults’ online dating experiences

Questions people ask

Before you decide what to do

Are older adults more likely to be targeted by romance scammers?

Romance scammers contact people of many ages. Older adults may face higher losses when a long-distance relationship becomes tied to money, investing, or a large personal emergency. The useful step is to slow down and bring another trusted person into the decision.

What if the person says they are overseas or cannot meet?

Distance and a demanding job can be real, but they can also make a story harder to check. Do not send money or private information to solve a problem for someone you have not met safely in person.

What should I do if I already sent money?

Contact your bank, card company, wire service, gift-card company, or crypto provider immediately. Save the messages and report the account. Be cautious of anyone who promises to recover the money for an upfront fee.

RealAttraction.today is an independent resource and is not affiliated with, endorsed by, or sponsored by any dating app or service.