Last reviewed July 25, 2026

These guides draw on official safety guidance, research, and common questions from people using dating apps. Read the scope and limits.

You may be worried about a parent, relative, or older friend who has formed a close relationship online. They may feel understood and hopeful. You may see a story that keeps changing, a person who never arrives, or a request for money that has become urgent.

Starting with “You are being scammed” often turns the conversation into a fight about the relationship. Start with the next decision instead.

Ask what changed

Choose a quiet moment. Do not begin while they are replying to the person or trying to make a payment.

Try:

“I can see that this relationship matters to you. I am not asking you to end it today. Can we look at the request together before you decide?”

Then ask:

• What has the person asked you to do?
• Have you met safely in person?
• Why does it need to happen now?
• Are you being asked not to tell anyone?
• What would happen if you waited two days or said no?

These questions leave room for your parent to think without having to defend the whole relationship.

Keep the relationship separate from the request

You do not have to settle whether every message, photo, or feeling was real. Focus on the part that could be hard to undo:

• sending money, crypto, gift cards, or a check;
• sharing bank, tax, identity, or login information;
• opening an investment or payment account;
• keeping the relationship or payment secret;
• travelling somewhere without an independent way home;
• sending an intimate image that can be copied or saved.

A person can sound caring and still make an unsafe request. Your parent can refuse the request without deciding what the relationship means.

Do not demand every private message

Ask for the minimum information needed to help. A short description of the request, the payment instructions, a profile link, or the promised meeting plan may be enough.

Do not post the person’s name, photos, phone number, or messages publicly. Do not impersonate your parent, take over their account, or contact the other person to threaten them. These steps can increase shame, conflict, and privacy risk.

If your parent wants you beside them, look at the request together. Let them press the buttons, ask the questions, and make the decision whenever possible.

Offer one concrete next step

“Be careful” is hard to act on. Offer something small:

• wait until tomorrow before replying;
• call the bank together before sending anything;
• check the venue and travel plan independently;
• ask the dating service what its badge or account status actually means;
• keep the conversation on the dating service;
• talk to one more trusted person who will not ridicule them.

If money has already been sent, do not spend the first conversation arguing about how it happened. Help stop the next transfer and contact the payment provider as soon as possible. Read what to do after sending money to an online match.

If they do not agree with you

You may not be able to change their mind in one conversation. Leave the door open:

“I respect that this is your decision. If money, travel, account access, or secrecy comes up again, will you call me before acting? I will listen without saying I told you so.”

Unless there is immediate danger or someone lacks the ability to make their own decisions, support works better when it preserves choice. Keep checking in about ordinary life too. Do not let every conversation become an interrogation about the relationship.

Look at the situation without uploading the conversation

Use the private dating safety check together or separately. It does not ask for names, phone numbers, account details, or private messages.

Read the older-adult guide to online relationships and money requests for the wider pattern. If a payment has already happened, move directly to the steps after sending money.

Questions people ask

Before you decide what to do

How do I tell my parent I think an online relationship may be a scam?

Start with the request, not a label. Ask what changed, whether money or secrecy is involved, and what would happen if they waited. You do not need to prove the person is a scammer before helping your parent pause.

Should I ask to read all of my parent's messages?

Not as a first step. Ask for a short summary of what was requested and what they may lose. They can keep intimate or personal messages private while you help check a payment, link, profile, or meeting plan.

What if my parent has already sent money?

Focus on the next payment first. Help them contact the bank, card company, wire service, gift-card company, payment service, or crypto provider. Save the relevant records and be cautious of anyone charging an upfront recovery fee.

RealAttraction.today is an independent resource and is not affiliated with, endorsed by, or sponsored by any dating app or service.